


Touka Satomi Is a Fucking Simp (Because Titles Are Hard)

by Shaymeme



Category: Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Crying, F/F, Pain, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27629275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaymeme/pseuds/Shaymeme
Summary: Touka Satomi has a person she loves. She wants that person to be happy, more than anything in the world. There's just one problem: She's absolutely sure that the only way for that person to be happy is to be with her. And so, she tries and tries and tries, and constantly fails. But, what happens when one night, Touka goes too far? When Touka Brings down her foot and demands that person? And most importantly of all, what will Touka do when that person tells her no?*This story was originally written for a fanwriting contest, the theme being "Touka Satomi is a simp".
Relationships: Satomi Touka/Tamaki Ui
Kudos: 2





	Touka Satomi Is a Fucking Simp (Because Titles Are Hard)

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This is the first "proper" story I've ever written. It's not an excuse for bad writing, but still, keep that in mind.
> 
> Another thing I want to note is that if you dig through the stories in the Magia Record category here on Ao3, you may find a collection of short stories that includes this story as one of its chapters. I doubt some drama would start, but still, it's better to be safe now than be sorry later.
> 
> I am the author of that chapter. It was posted there on my permission, because it won the writing contest it was submitted for. No one stole anything. The reason I am posting this here again is because A) I wanted to post something, but I'm currently writing something else at the moment, and B) this a slightly refined and improved version, with better grammar, wording, and (hopefully) less cringe.
> 
> Again. I doubt some drama would start just because a fanfiction writer posted a story, but the internet's a stupid place, and I'd rather be safe than be sorry about it later.

“Onee-Sama… No, Onee-Sama, we can’t do that…! It’s forbidden…” Touka muttered to herself, wrapped around in a warm comfortable blanket. After waking up, she sat up and looked at the room around her, then at the empty space next to her in her queen size bed. “No Onee-Sama, huh…” She muttered to herself, still sleepy.

Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, Touka brushed her teeth. After she was done with that, she looked at herself in the mirror again, her messy hair annoying her endlessly. “Even geniuses need to endure horrible bed hair, I guess…” Touka sighed to herself trying to sort her hair for a few seconds, before just giving up entirely and stepping into the shower. Touka was weird. Well, weirder than one might think. Her skin was unbelievably sensitive, so she could never take a hot shower. The water was always cold. There was no steam, and the mirror was directly in front of the shower. Every time Touka entered the shower, she could see her own body. Touka didn’t exactly despise her appearance, but she didn’t think herself to be a specimen of god, either. She had parts about herself she wished she could change, and parts about herself that she was perfectly content with. However, seeing herself in the shower never really bothered her. Touka idled a bit under the cold water, letting the drops caress her tiny body. However, she eventually got tired of the sensation, and she stopped the flow of water. Exiting the shower, she dried herself and put on some clothes. Nothing too fancy, just a simple dress. It was a Saturday anyway. There was no school. She couldn’t really find the energy in her to bother with nice clothing. She skipped the ‘taking care of hair’ phase and went right back to her bed, crashing on it. ‘I just got up, and I’m already tired… I hate Saturdays so much…’ Touka thought to herself. She considered turning on the TV, but she was so tired she couldn’t even push herself to grab the remote and turn the damn thing on. “….ARGH! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT SO MUCH! IT’S THE WORST!” Touka suddenly yelled out in anger, startling a few pigeons that were just resting on her balcony’s railing. Touka truly couldn’t stand Saturdays. There was nothing to do. Everyone rested. TV was empty except for anime reruns, and her mind was too lax to work. It was a useless day, and if there was something Touka hated more than anything, it was useless things. Touka pondered for a second, considering to just pull out her whiteboard and start writing down equations, just for the fun of it, but she eventually decided against it. Her body truly was too tired. Eventually, Touka mustered just enough strength to grab the TV remote and turn the device on. As expected, some random anime Touka couldn’t care less about was on now. When she tried to remember what it was about later, all she could remember were walls, and massive naked people. Truly, a terrible show for deranged people. However, at the moment, Touka didn’t care. She just wanted something to pass the time, so she stared at the TV until she fell asleep again. She only woke up again the following day, just in time for school.

**Friday**

Fragments of the event were still flashing in Touka’s mind. The unfairness, the injustice, the pain. She could barely hold her tears back as she rushed up the stairs to the roof. She reached it before _her_. That was good. Touka stood on the ledge, looking down. It was a long fall. She was sure that she wouldn’t feel a thing at the moment of impact. She was gonna do it, but then…

“TOUKA, NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!??!?” Yelled a familiar voice.

Touka turned back and saw Nemu, still in her wheelchair, which was being pushed by Mifuyu. Nemu was the one who yelled. Mifuyu just stood there in silence, looking horrified.

“WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE!?!? I’M LEAVING THIS STUPID WORLD!” Touka yelled back.

“Why? What happened at that dinner between you and those 2? Tell me, Touka. I’m your friend! I want to help you!” Nemu yelled back. The pain in her voice was so real, Touka hesitated for a second. She realized that from this height, her death might be quick and painless, but what about everyone she would be leaving behind? How would her death affect them? In how much pain would she leave them?

‘ _Why do you think anyone cares about you? If they did, **she** wouldn’t have done that. She would have accepted your love. She would’ve dumped that board for you, but she didn’t. She hurt you. Nobody loves you._’ A voice whispered in Touka’s voice.

“No, shut up, shut up, shut up!” Touka yelled at the voice, holding her head in confusion.

‘ _You know I’m speaking the truth, that’s why you don’t like it. The truth is ugly. It hurts. It’s never something you like. That’s why you’re in denial._ ’ Said the voice.

“SHUT UP! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Touka yelled.

“Touka! Calm down, OK? I’m coming! Just… Stay calm!” Nemu yelled, Mifuyu slowly pushing her wheelchair forward.

‘ _Nobody would care. Do it. Do it. DO IT!_ ’

“FUCK OFF ALREADY!” Touka yelled, unable to hold the tears back anymore.

“TOUKA! STOP –“ Nemu yelled, but it was too late.

All of Touka’s struggling and her attempts to make the voice shut up led to her moving around a lot. She lost her footing, and fell off the ledge towards the ground.

She could see the ledge she stood on moving away slowly, everything moving at a tenth of the speed it actually occurred in. Touka felt sheer terror wash over her entire body as she realized that she didn’t want this. She didn’t want to die. She wanted to live. She didn’t want to die… However, Touka slowly realized that she was not getting out of this alive. There were no superhuman heroes to save her. No magical girl in her near vicinity had a power that could help her. The height she jumped from was enough that even her magical girl physiology couldn’t keep her alive when she hit the ground. Touka’s life briefly flashed before her eyes, then, she accepted her fate and closed her eyes.

A sudden shock snapped Touka back to reality. She opened her eyes, only to see that Nemu has grabbed her by her leg.

“Got you.” Nemu said, breathing heavily, the attempt to hold Touka’s entire body mass with only her hand clearly putting a toll on her, even with her magical girl body. “MIFUYU! COME HELP ME!” Nemu yelled, which confused Touka. How could Nemu reach Touka before Mifuyu? Her question was answered when the two finally pulled her back to safety, where she saw Nemu was sitting on her knees, not using the wheelchair. Before Touka could say anything, Nemu pulled her into a bear hug and practically crushed her bones. “NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, YOU GOT IT!?!??! NEVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!” Nemu yelled at Touka, sobbing all the while. Mifuyu just sat down in shock, unable to process what she just saw. She thought that as a veteran magical girl, she had seen every messed-up thing the world could throw at her. Alas, the world had one trick left up its sleeve, and it did the work. Mifuyu never thought she’d see an 11-year-old girl contemplating suicide by throwing herself off a building. After a few seconds, Mifuyu rushed to a corner and threw up. “I-I don’t get it. You need a wheelchair. How can you…” Touka started saying, but Nemu’s look stopped her in her tracks. “I just saved you from killing yourself, and the first thing you have to say is ask me why I’m not in my wheelchair?” Nemu asked, half crying, half chuckling. Touka chuckled in return, fully grasping the absurdity of the question, considering the situation. She just tried to kill herself. “Thanks, Nemu, I just… I…” Touka tried to speak, but she just broke out into tears. Nemu simply comforted her until she stopped crying. “Feel a bit better now? You’re not gonna jump off the building if I look away for 2 seconds?” Nemu asked. Touka nodded in response. “Good, then let’s get back to your place. You and I have a lot to talk about. You’re gonna tell me EVERYTHING that lead to this, and we’re gonna figure everything out. Also, we’ll let Mifuyu shower, because I think she threw up over herself a little.” Nemu replied, helping Touka to her feet, approaching her wheelchair and sitting back down. “Oh, and about your question; I just thought really hard about how I wanted to save you, and, well, I guess the adrenaline did the rest.” Nemu answered Touka’s earlier question, giving her a small grin.

Touka and Nemu could both hear Mifuyu singing in the shower, and at that moment, they realized that the girl should be kept as far away as humanly possible from a karaoke night, because she was tone deaf like she’d never heard a professional singer, or something playing on the radio, for that matter. As the two chuckled to themselves, they eventually remembered why they went to Touka’s place to begin with, and why they were sitting down on her bed, in her room, with the door locked. Touka tried to open her mouth, but the moment she did, she started shaking uncontrollably. She felt as if she was on the verge of tears. She was about to cry, but then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw a reassuring look on Nemu’s face. “Take as much time as you need.”

Touka took a few deep breaths, until she finally felt comfortable talking.

“Alright. What do you want to know?” She asked Nemu.

“What happened between you and those 2?” Nemu asked.

Touka sorted through her memories, trying to find a way to explain what happened earlier that night without reliving all the painful parts, however, that was impossible.

“I… I did something stupid, Nemu. I… I told Onee-Sama I loved her. I tried to convince her to leave her girlfriend right in front of the veteran.”

“I assume Nanami-San didn’t take that too well?”

“She actually took it well. She tried to make me realize that what I was saying was unreasonable, and that I should give up, but… I couldn’t see it. I kept on insisting that I was worthy of Onee-Sama, and I may have called Nanami-San some… very bad names…” Touka said, her head down in shame.

“And then what happened? How did THIS happen?” Nemu asked, pointing at a big, red slap mark on Touka’s right cheek.

“This happened because of Onee-Sama. She said that I went too far. She told me to get out.” Touka said, pointing at her slap mark, her voice full of pain.

“I see.”

“I-I realize I went too far. I realize that what I said was wrong, but… I still love her, Nemu. I still do. What am I supposed to do?” Touka said, tears in her eyes.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Touka. You don’t love Onee-Sama. You never did.”

Touka could feel unfathomable rage take over her when she heard that.

“HOW dare you!” She said, grabbing Nemu by the collar of her shirt, until she realized what she just did. She let go of Nemu’s shirt, recoiling in fear of herself. “Oh… Oh my god. Nemu, I’m so sorry…” Touka said, horrified of what she just did.

“It’s fine. Listen to me, Touka. Tell me one thing about me that you hate.”

“Umm… You believe in your fantasy stories too much sometimes, and it’s kind of annoying.”

“And yet, you’re still my friend, right? Because you love me as a friend.”

“right.”

“Now tell me one thing about Onee-Sama that you hate.”

“Well, umm… I can’t think of anything.”

“Exactly. Touka, true love comes with good AND bad parts. There’s nothing about Onee-Sama you hate. You have no bad memories or experiences of her. You think she’s perfect. You’re seeing all the good and ignoring the bad. Touka, you’re not in love with Onee-Sama, you’re obsessed with her.”

As much as that statement hurt Touka, the more she thought about it, the more sense it made.

“I… I don’t love Onee-Sama.” Touka said, the realization finally hitting her smack dab in the face.

“Admitting you’re wrong is the first step of progress. Listen, Touka, I’m not gonna pretend to be a therapist, because I’m not. I can’t advise you, and I won’t. However, if you need someone to talk to… Give me a call.” Nemu said, hugging Touka tightly. After they parted, Touka’s face approached Nemu’s. She didn’t know what she was doing, but it just felt… Right. Nemu pushed Touka away gently.

“Touka, you’re confused. I don’t want you to make a choice you’d regret. Take some time to think about what you really want, OK?” Nemu said, looking away, a distant look in her eyes.

“Nemu…”

“I’m Asexual, Touka. Besides, I see you as a sister. A very close sister, but a sister nonetheless.”

Touka nodded back, her friend’s statement making her realize that she was about to do something extremely foolish.

“Alright, get out now you two. I want to sleep. I’m exhausted.” Touka said playfully.

Nemu smiled back. She stood back up.

“See you tomorrow?”

Touka nodded in confirmation.

Nemu turned towards the door and was about to leave, until she realized something. Mifuyu still hasn’t exited the shower.

“Umm, Touka-Chan? Do you have any spare towels? The only one here seems to be yours, and I don’t want to use it, so…” Mifuyu said through the closed bathroom door, a bit of anxiety in her voice.

Nemu and Touka simply looked at each other and chuckled.

**_One week later…_ **

It was a normal Saturday morning. Iroha and Yachiyo were eating breakfast while Ui was napping on the couch. Iroha and Yachiyo both looked at Ui, and the two couldn’t stop themselves from smiling when their eyes met again. It was peaceful. Ui was too cute. Everything was great.

There was a knock on the door.

“I’ll go get it.” Iroha told Yachiyo.

“I wonder who it is. Maybe Tsuruno decided to give us a surprise visit.” Iroha wondered to herself out loud.

Iroha opened the door, and her shoulders immediately slumped. In front of her stood Touka. She looked as if she was on her way to a date or something; she was wearing a nice dress. Her hair was straightened, and instead of her usual bow, she wore a flower in it. She was holding a bouquet of roses in her hand. However, she was looking at the floor in hesitation, as if she was having second thoughts about something.

“Can I… Come in?” Touka asked sheepishly.

Iroha considered telling her no, but then she looked at Touka; how pathetic and terrified she looked. She pitied her. Iroha nodded in reply, and moved aside to let Touka enter.

“Ah, Touka-Chan. What a surprise to see you here at this hour.” Yachiyo said, trying her best to not smash her cup of coffee to a million tiny pieces.

Touka simply waved weakly, and then spoke.

“I came to apologize. I… I realize that what I did was wrong. I said some horrible things that night, and I…” Touka said, her voice betraying her. She realized she was only gonna get through this in one way.

She gently laid the bouquet on the floor next to her, then she bowed in front of Iroha and Yachiyo.

“I’M SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I… I DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT ANY OF YOU LIKE I DID! I… I didn’t mean to hurt our relationship the way I did…” Touka said, tears in her eyes.

Iroha looked at Touka, feeling sceptic at first, but then she looked at Touka again, and she realized the young girl’s feelings were genuine. Her voice was full of pain and regret. She then looked at Yachiyo, and her look told Iroha everything she needed to know.

“Get up.” Iroha told Touka.

Touka slowly stood up.

“Wipe away those tears.” She said, and Touka did so.

Iroha crouched down so that she was on the same eye level as Touka. She placed her hands on Touka’s shoulders.

“Listen, Touka. I’m not gonna pretend that what you did and said is fine, because it’s not. You did some awful things, and you hurt both me and Yachiyo. It’s good that you’re apologizing, but I think that both me and Yachiyo can agree that it’s much more important that you just don’t do such things anymore. We forgive you, just… Try to not do such things again, OK?”

“OK… OK.” Touka said, tears of happiness rolling down her cheeks.

“Good. Although you didn’t need to take care of your hair and bring a bouquet to convince me, Touka-Chan.” Iroha said.

“Actually, I didn’t do that for you, Iroha-San.” Touka replied.

“Iroha… San?” Iroha mumbled to herself in confusion as Touka approached the sleeping Ui. She shook her gently, until Ui woke up.

“Hmmm? Touka, I was sleeping. Why’d you wake me up?” Ui said, still half asleep, not grasping the rather obvious situation in front of her.

“Ui. Will you… Will you please go out with me?” Touka asked Ui.

Ui sat up, wiped the sleep out of her eyes, then looked Touka straight in the eyes.

“EH!?!?!?” Yelled Iroha, Yachiyo and Ui all at the same time.

**The end.**


End file.
